Who is controlling your happiness today?

This morning I was cleaning out my email inbox when I came across some old emails from a former co-worker. They weren’t particularly nice emails, as a matter of fact, they were rather offensive, questioning my character and insulting my intelligence. I had intentionally kept them in case I ever needed proof of how inappropriate they had been, but had since forgotten about them and was surprised to come across them again this morning. I don’t know why I decided to read them again, but as I did I felt my blood begin to boil just as it had the first time around. I became so angry at this person and the words they had used towards me. This situation has been over and done with for quite some time now, yet there I was mentally putting myself right back into it and allowing it to bring me to a negative place. Until that moment I had been having a rather fine day, but now I was clinging to anger and resentment. Those negative feelings stayed with me for a good part of my morning like a black cloud hanging over my head. In a moment of clarity I began to wonder, why had I ever let this person get to me in the first place? Why did I give them that kind of power of me then, and why on earth would I allow them that power again, now? I then started to think about all of the things, people and circumstances that we allow to control us. We give power to so many other things throughout our day and strip ourselves of it at the same time. If you stop and think about it, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep you have all the control in the world over your mood, your emotions, your words, your actions … it isn’t until we willing give it away that that changes. If we allow someone to do or say something to us that brings us to a negative place, we have given them the power to do so. If we let a situation we are facing cause us stress and unhappiness, we are handing over our power and our control and giving in to it. It is like we are throwing up our hands and saying, “OK! You win! Make me miserable! I have no strength of my own to stop you.”

There is a piece of paper taped to my bathroom mirror which reads “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. – Groucho Marx.” I skim over that note most mornings, and yet the words usually go right through me. But today after getting upset over those emails I stopped to think about it. Each and every second of the day we are making a choice either to be in control of our happiness, or to hand that control over to someone or something else. We cannot control what other people will do, think or say, and there are plenty of other circumstances that are out of our control as well. But we always have control over how we react to those things. We choose if we are going to be happy in the moment, or let something else bring us down. I know it is easier said than done, and I am by no means above all of this. In fact, in between the email incident and writing this blog post I gave my control over to several people and situations while I was driving, in the grocery store and other places. But it is definitely something worth thinking about, and something I am going to try and pay more attention to. Each morning as I brush my teeth I will make it a point to read each and every word of that quote and really absorb the words I am reading. I want to stop giving so much control to other people and situations and start taking control myself! As you go through the rest of your day, ask yourself, who is controlling your happiness today?